HOW TO EMBRACE CRITICISM AND NEGATIVE FEEDBACK

Ask yourself about what response you get when you receive comments or opinions from other people about something you have done that are not positive or complimentary. This could be a thought or feeling. 

Do you become angry, hurt, and defensive or do you take the information, absorb it, and consider how you can use the feedback to benefit yourself and your relationships? 

 More often than not, most of us have a tendency to respond to criticism and negative feedback badly, especially when we associate criticism with past experiences of blame or rejection. 

Criticism can often be attributed to beliefs about how we view ourselves rather than on the behaviors or actions we engage in.  As a result, we often misinterpret positively intended messages to be seen as disapproval and judgmental and we can miss out on opportunities for growth and understanding. 

 So instead of shutting down, becoming defensive, and distancing ourselves from people and situations associated with criticism, we can take steps that will help us acknowledge, evaluate, and consider areas of improvement we can focus on. 

• SEPERATION

Separate the specific action or behavior the feedback is associated with from who you are as an individual.  Just because someone does not like how you did something does not mean they do not like you as person.  Challenge yourself to take a step back and identify what the feedback is about to avoid assumption-making and blowing situations out of proportion. 

• CONSIDERATION

Consider negative feedback from different perspectives by asking yourself if it is true, not true, or partially true.  Consider the perspective of the individual you received the feedback from in order to help challenge your initial reaction.

• BE THOUGHFUL

 Think before responding.  We typically respond differently when we act out of our emotions so in order to prevent ourselves from regretting something we have said or done, take time to identify how you are feeling and what your core values are.

• EVALUATE THE VALUE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Determine the value of your relationship with the individual.  Some questions to ask yourself include: 

how important is this individual to me? How do I want this person to perceive me? What am I willing to do in order to maintain this relationship? Answers to these questions will help you to make room or embrace criticism and negative feedbacks with a more positive approach. 

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ref: Cory Stege,M.S., LMFT