HOW TO LET GO OF REGRETS

 Regret is a feeling based on the idea that you could have acted differently to produce a more desirable outcome.

Regret can be accompanied by guilt, embarrassment, and self-blame. It can include asking yourself a lot of hypothetical questions: “What if I acted differently? What if I took that opportunity? What if I didn’t say what I said?”

Because you can’t go back in time, you’ll never know the answer to those questions. For that reason, you might ruminate about it thinking the same thoughts over and over again, wondering what could’ve happened.

You might regret something even when, realistically, there’s nothing you could’ve done, and even if ultimately you believe you made the right choice. The feeling of regret itself isn’t proof that you did the wrong thing you might simply have complicated feelings about your experience.

Regret is associated with higher levels of cortisol, known as the stress hormone, cortisol helps you when you enter flight-or-fight mode. Chronically high level of cortisol is associated with mental and physical health problems.

According to a 2015 study

Trusted Source people who are prone to regret are more likely to experience:

• depression
• hopelessness
• suicidal ideation

Many people ruminate about regrets. Rumination is when you can’t stop thinking about the past, even when you’re having the same thoughts over and over again. With rumination, these thoughts are negative or upsetting in nature.

Although most people ruminate, rumination is associated with certain mental health conditions, including:

• depression
• anxiety
• post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

It’s not possible to avoid regret entirely. But managing regret in a healthy, positive way can help you learn from the experience. Regrets can be healthy and even beneficial.

• Regret can improve your decision-making skills: While you can’t avoid mistakes altogether, regretting past decisions can help you make better, more thoughtful choices in the future.
• Regret can motivate you: Sometimes, regrets can motivate you to perform better, take healthy risks, and focus your energy on what matters to you.
• Regret can help you be more self-aware: Your regrets might teach you about your values, strengths, and weaknesses.
• Regret can inspire gratitude: You can use your regret to fuel a deeper appreciation for the decisions you don’t regret and the positive things you have in your life.

With this said, if your regret is excessive or obsessive, it might do more harm than good. This is especially the case if you linger on regretful thoughts for too long or if you find it hard to think of anything other than your regrets.

There are several kinds of regrets and the most painful one is what we call an ideal related regret. Ideal-related regrets are about not living up to your goals and acting as you’d like your ideal self to act, and this could be:

1. decisions that broke your own life rules — in other words, decisions that went against your morals and values.
2. decisions that relate to relationships with others
3. decisions that lacked an explicit justification

There is also what we call inaction and action regrets. Inaction regrets refers to regrets about things we didn't do though, action regrets are more severe than inaction regrets.

HOW TO LET GO OF REGRETS

1. Let yourself feel it

Because regret can be so painful, it’s tempting to try to squish down the feeling. But avoiding your regret can make it feel worse. Instead, acknowledge what you’re feeling and try to accept it. Having regrets doesn’t make you a bad or foolish person it’s a natural, common emotion.

2. Draw something positive from the experience.

In many cases, regret can be valuable. Your regret might teach you a valuable life lesson. For example, if a friend passes away and you regret not spending more time with them, your regret might inspire you to spend more time with your loved ones. Alternatively, your regret might influence you to apologize and make amends if you hurt someone.

3. Be self-compassionate

Research from 2015 Trusted Source looked at three studies on regret and self-improvement. The analysis suggested that regret can lead to personal growth if self-compassion is involved. Acceptance and self-forgiveness could help you learn from the experience.

According to a 2018 study, self-compassion could also protect you from the potential health risks of regret, especially cortisol-related health conditions. In relation to regret, self-compassion can include:

• forgiving yourself
• reminding yourself of your strengths
• practicing loving-kindness meditation
• taking care of your basic needs
• allowing yourself to engage in enjoyable activities.

4. Try to avoid what-ifs.

It’s natural to think about what could’ve been. If you made a different decision, the outcome might’ve been better. But it also might’ve been worse. The thing is that we can never know what the alternative outcomes are.

Although it’s tempting to run through the possibilities in your head, it can get exhausting after a while. Try to recognize when you’re engaging in thought patterns that aren’t productive or helpful, and practice mindfulness so that you don’t get too caught up in the fantasy.

WHEN TO SEEK HELP

Anybody can benefit from quality mental health help. If you’re finding it challenging to process a regret, therapy can help you work through your feelings and cope with regret in a healthy way.

It’s an especially good idea to seek professional help if your regrets are:

• severely upsetting or overwhelming
• making it difficult to concentrate or think clearly
• impairing your ability to make decisions.
• negatively affecting your day-to-day life (including relationships, home life, leisure time, or work)

These symptoms can be signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

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ref:PsychCentral